• Bathroom

  Usually no window, and swinging between steam and cold air several times a day. Almost nothing survives it. Small and off the floor works best — a shelf, a cistern, a windowless corner.

• Hallway

  The darkest room in most houses, and the one nobody stops in long enough to water. It is also the first thing a visitor sees, so it needs something with height and presence rather than something delicate. A tall stem in a narrow vessel does more than a pot on the floor.

• Kitchen

  Grease in the air, heat from the hob, and a sink that makes it look like watering would be easy. Real flowers drop faster here than anywhere else in the house. Choose pieces that wipe clean and sit away from the cooking line.

• Desk & Office

  The problem is not light, it is absence. A week away and a living plant is finished. Desk space is also the tightest in the house, so this is where small potted pieces earn their place and a vase would only be in the way.

• Bedroom

  Nothing here is trying to kill a plant. The reasons are different: pollen, and not wanting something that will quietly rot on a bedside table. Softer colours suit the room, and scale matters more than in any other space — most bedroom surfaces are small.

• Living Room

  The one room where a real plant would genuinely be fine, so the reason for buying faux is upkeep rather than survival. It is also the most inspected room in the house, which makes it the place to spend on realism rather than on volume.

Most people arrive here looking for plants. In the darker rooms it is worth looking at flowers instead — foliage is judged against a plant everyone has seen growing, while a bloom is not, so a flower holds up in low light where greenery starts to look flat.